Archive | February, 2013

Walmart Gives Me Panic Attacks

25 Feb

The weather in south Georgia has been crazy for a few weeks. You can walk outside one day ]with nothing but a t-shirt and jeans on, but if you try that the next day you might end up with frost bite.  On top of the drastic change in temperatures, it also monsoons every other day. I haven’t worn a fully dry pair of jeans all week.

Unfortunately, crazy weather makes people act equally as crazy. Aside from the slow driving and outfit choices, people don’t leave their house more than is absolutely necessary. Today, the first sunny day in almost a week, I, like everyone else, made my way to the grocery store.

From the moment I walked in the door, I knew that it would not be a pleasant experience. Even on the best of days, the Walmart in my town in stressful, so on a day like today it was positively unbearable. I already suffer from anxiety problems, and in a place as crowded as this, nothing positive was happening for my nerves.

Every time I felt the sharp pain in my chest and realized I was starting to have difficulty breathing, I would have to sneak away to a quiet aisle (like the one that houses the pool cleaning chemicals) to try and recompose myself.

It was probably one of my fastest trips to walmart, I didn’t allow myself to be nearly as indecisive as I usually am, and I only made one trip to the price checker. If it wasn’t for the time spent calming down on the secluded aisles, I probably could have left in under 15 minutes–that has to be a record.

I still left the store feeling on the edge of a panic attack, that was until I noticed the table of Girl Scouts right outside of the door, just waiting to sell me boxes of tagalongs and thin mints. At least the trip wasn’t all bad.

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Strength

18 Feb

How do you find the strength to write about something from a hard time in your life? I’ve written about things that have been hard to talk about, but once they were on paper they seemed to flow out a lot easier. There is one situation that I have put off for years now. I’ve known for a while that I was going to have to write about it, but somehow it always gets pushed to the back burner.

I’ve had a extremely rough draft sitting on my computer for a while, but I just can’t seem to finish it. As I draw closer, and closer to the end of my college career, I know that I need to finish it before I graduate. With the end of college comes the end of the amount of workshop opportunities that we are given here. This means if I want feedback on it, I need to suck it up and start typing.

That’s what I’ve been trying to do the past few weeks, and it’s proving harder than I imagined. It’s not so much that I care about what people are going to think about me after they read it, I got over that a long time ago, it’s more of how I’ll think of myself. I’m worried that while writing this essay all of the old emotions will come up, and it will become a set back–even though all of my past experiences with writing would beg to differ. Writing is usually cathartic for me, I feel better once it’s all out in the open in an organized manner.

I guess I’m going to sit down and push through and hope that the same thing will happen this time.

Weekly Treasure #4

18 Feb

This week I read a brief essay on brevity.com by Pamela Dellinger. You can read this essay here.

The thing that I found the most powerful about this essay was it’s length. While first looking at the essay, I noticed how short it was. I would have never expected that an author could pack so much emotion and meaning in a piece that left so much out.

That probably sounds odd, but given that the title of the essay is Everything [Except What’s Important], it is to be expected that you will finish the piece without knowing all of what is going on. The essay walks through a meeting that she has with someone important in their life, (though it’s never mentioned exactly who it is). It deals with the power and force behind the emotion of that current moment without the reader knowing what brought them to that point.

While I admit that I would have liked to know some more of the situation, it doesn’t change the fact that this is a perfect piece just the way it is. It was some really excellent writing, and I really enjoyed it.

How the time flies

11 Feb

I find myself in the last semester of my senior year, not entirely sure how I got here. It seems like just a few days ago that I sat in my room back home, hurriedly packing my bags for my freshman year while saying a tearful goodbye to my cat. Thought the time has definitely gone by faster than I can explain, so much has happened in these four years that I can’t even pretend like I don’t remember every minute.

 

This past week has been full of things that have both representing the passing of time and the start of new beginnings at the same time. For example, I had a relative pass away this week, something that always makes you stop and mourn while also pondering the depths of time and the meaning of life. In that same day, I got a phone call from a place I had applied for an after-graduation big-girl-job, asking me when I would be available. I felt bad being excited about this when something so terrible happened just that morning, but how could I stop it? In the midst of a loved one passing, new beginnings were occurring.

 

This prospect seems mystifying, but it also strangely makes sense to me.

Is everything stressful?

4 Feb

I feel like over the past few weeks  I have put up with more than my fair share of stress. (If you feel like you haven’t been given enough, I’ll be happy to share) It’s too the point that I’m unsure if the things happening are actually as annoying as they seem, or if it’s just in combination with everything else.

For example, I forgot my password when logging onto my wordpress account to write this blog post. I only have three passwords that I ever use, so I kept going back and forth between all of those, since I’m 100% it had to be one of those options. After several failed attempts, wordpress informed me that I had exceeded the number of login attempts allowed. I had to “wait a few minutes” and try again. I ended up having to completely reset my password, and you know what annoys me the most about the whole thing? They never told me what my old password was! That is going to drive me insane.

Then, when I finally was able to log on to wordpress and wrote my blog posts, I realized (after I published it) that it, and the one before it, were posted to one of my other blogs. Fantastic.

Even Spring Break, the week that is supposed to be the escape from all of the stress has become a stressful event. Perhaps it wouldn’t be like that if money was no object and everyone was not indecisive. Some of my friends want to go to the party beach, some of my friends want to go on a cruise, some of my friends don’t want to pay any money… and all I really want to do is go to Harry Potter World. Lame? Maybe, but that’s not how I see it.

Coming from a die-hard Harry Potter fanatic, a 4 day trip to Universal Studios sounds like the perfect escape. So now if I can just make it to St. Patricks day, I think I’ll be a happy, stress–free fan girl. “All Was Well.”

Weekly Treasure- Week Two

4 Feb

I am so excited about the essay that I found this week. I was looking through some essays online, when I found a link on brevity.com for craft essays. I’m currently working on something that loosely fits in the craft essay section of creative nonfiction, so I decided to check it out. I came across an essay called “The Craft of Writing Queer”, and who can pass that up? Not me.

You can read it here. Really, though. I’d read it.

The author, Barrie Jean Borich, talks about her personal experience entering into the world of creative nonfiction. She notes that when she just began writing that some of her professors told her that feminist or lesbian content was not literary.

Though the times have changed, and the field is definitely more open now, she makes a point that there is still room for improvement. In fact, in reference to this type of work, she says:

This is the work that as a journal editor I don’t see enough of, from women or men, trans, queer or straight—I fear because such essays are not often enough written, or perhaps not frequently enough rewarded with publication, kudos, tenure.

I’m so glad that I came across this essay. I had never read anything by this author, but I’m very happy that I have now.